WINNER
by xXkey of destinyXx
Summary: They say Nobodies couldn't feel. Axel begged to differ. The place in his chest where his heart should be throbbed painfully until he wanted to curl up into a ball. It had been doing that a lot since Roxas left. LATE FOR AKUROKU DAY!


**Author's notes: **I can't believe I didn't post anything on AkuRoku day! Damn it, I forgot. :[ So I quickly went and wrote this. I hope it turned out okay. Happy belated AkuRoku day~

~O~

Axel couldn't sleep. He'd gotten a bad case of insomnia ever since the Organization went to hell and Roxas left. Venom green eyes stared blankly at the white ceiling, the silvery light of Kingdom Hearts reflecting off his glassy orbs. The glassy orbs which were devoid of anything, the pain inside of him invisible.

They say Nobodies can't feel. Axel begged to differ. The empty space in his chest where he remembered his heart should be, were he complete, felt like something heavy and sharp was continuously falling onto it. It throbbed, twisted and turned until he wanted to curl up into a giant ball of pain, longing and anger just to escape it. He doubted that anything could really get his mind off of it, though.

He needed to distract himself before his thought could wander towards darker and more dangerous directions. In an almost zombie-like movement, he sat up and dragged himself off his bed. His hands were twitching and itched to burn something, but he wasn't in the mood to get scolded by Saïx or Xemnas at this point.

Deciding on cleaning, something boring but occupying which would surely keep his mind off of... it hurt to think it... _Roxas._ Axel stubbornly ground his teeth together and started picking up various objects from the foot of his bed and putting them back into place, trying to block out any memories that threatened to pop up.

_No. He's gone. __**Forget **__about him, already. _But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't forget. _No, Axel, damnit... Don't __**think**__ about him!_

And so he tried to keep his mind perfectly blank and cleaned everything as perfectly and fully as he could in his sloth-like state. He reorganized the bookshelf, swept the floor, did everything he could think of in his mostly empty room. He was starting on his dresser when his eyes automatically latched onto a small white envelope amidst the clutter. The space in his chest throbbed painfully and tightened until it was hard to breathe and before he could stop them, his hands were fumbling to pick it up. He couldn't stop the memories that burst into his loss-filled mind, ad he was too tired to try.

He took out the WINNER stick and just stood there, rubbing his gloved thumb over the smooth, cheap wood, staring at it and remembering. Remembering how Roxas had reacted the first time he tried sea-salt ice cream... "_It's salty... but sweet!" _Remembering how Roxas' laugh would sound in the red sky as they watched the sunset together, how his beautiful blue eyes would sparkle in the soft light in a way that always had Axel stuck for words, how he got annoyed when Axel called him "kid" and angry when people mentioned his shortness... How their lips had felt the first time they kissed, and how Roxas had cried tears of joy and they'd made love.

"_Roxas_..." he whispered, grinding his teeth together and squeezing his eyes shut tight. Every time he remembered being with Roxas, he felt like he was breaking inside. Sometimes he wished he'd just shatter into millions of little pieces so that he wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore. "Why... why did you have to go..."

He could picture Roxas now, rolling his blue eyes and telling Axel to get his act together. _"Weren't you the one always going on about how we have to have hearts to feel? Sheesh. Axel, pull it together!" _Then they'd laugh, and everything would be okay again.

Not anymore. Axel didn't think he'd ever be okay again.

The image painted on the backs of his closed eyelids made him sob, and soon, he was crumpled on the floor, tears tracking down his snowy white cheeks. The envelope flitted to the ground and the WINNER stick clattered against the white floor. A small white paper fluttered out of the envelope and gently laned beside Axel's fisted hand.

Roughly wiping his eyes, Axel slowly grabbed it. He slowly and gingerly opened it, feeling oddly unattached, like he wasn't fully there. There was something written on it in a messy, childish print. His green eyes widened and more tears gathered with every word he read.

_Axel,_

_If you're reading this, then it means I'm already gone and I have no way to contact you. They're after me. I betrayed them. I don't know what's going to happen to me, now... I'm really, truly sorry._

_Oh yeah, that WINNER stick. When I found it, I meant to ask you about it, but I forgot. Now I realize... I'm a winner, because you're part of my life._

_I don't believe that bullshit about us not having hearts, you know why? Because I love you. I love you so damn much... I wish we could have just one more sunset together. There's nothing I wouldn't give just to see you laugh once more, or to kiss you again. I love you so much._

_I need to go now, before my stupid tears smudge the stupid ink... The tears of a Nobody... they should be special and like, not smudge stuff. Anyway, I'm rambling. I LOVE YOU. DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING FORGET IT. No matter what they do to me, I'll always remember that love and how it felt to be held by you as we watched the sun set. You're part of me, and that will never change._

_Love, Roxas._

By the time Axel was done, his tears were spilling again. He crushed the letter to his chest, kneeled on the floor, and cried.

"I love you too, Roxas, so damn much... I'll find you again. Nothing in any of the worlds an keep us apart. His voice was nothing more than a rough, papery whisper. Eventually, in memories of red sunsets and blue eyes, he drifted off into sleep.

~O~

**AN: **ne, I don't like the ending, I'm no good at writng fluff. Oh well, I wanted to give it a try. Pleasereview. :)


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